seclusion puts me back together again

fuck, same question different post

what the fuck is my problem
what the fuck is wrong with me
im dysfunctional?
the suns out the grass is green and the water is warm
yet theres this one dark cloud that keeps popping up
following me around like a shadow.
just a thought that lingers at the back of my mind
eating away at me when im least suspecting it.
quite the burden actually

like, its nothing to worry about yet im scared
like WHAT THE FUCK MAN.
sometimes i just dont know why i fuck with my own mind
im pointing a drill to my head when i KNOW i can put it down
but i refuse
WHY FUCKEN WHY.
cause im a fucking retard.
fuck why am i so insecure
so paranoid so helpless
i dont even have control of how i think anymore
my mind wanders and i lose it completely.

i feel like im going to do something that im going to regret
something selfish something hurtful something unforgivable
but i guess we'll never know till its too late

i want to learn to let go
i want to learn to set my priorities straight
i want to find myself and be myself
i want to find my wings and get the fuck out of here.

somethings not right and i cant finish this blog,
or maybe im distracted or maybe i was never good at happy endings
or maybe i can never finish what i start or maybe this maybe that

GROW A FUCKING PAIR OF BALLS AND MAN THE FUCK UP.

ps. im a fucking freak that thinks in circles