its hard to hold on, but harder to let go

i dont want to be the best boyfriend youve ever had,
i just wanna be the best boyfriend i can be.

yeah i just randomly think of these things
for no reason at all.

coincidence that i blog RIGHT after chris blogs?
yes it is coincidence and that is all it is.

i dont even like the word boyfriend.
like wtf yeah hes a boy and yeah hes your friend
but wait NO he isnt just your friend
hes much more
so why call him your friend ?

COZ YOURE A FUCKING RETARD.

its not really a secret that i have
its an expression, but im not stupid.
im not giving this up. not yet

fuck, how the fuck am i supposed to compete with this kunt.
so id rather not. id rather drive myself insane

yeah i know the year has "just" started
but i feel ive learnt alot already
is this maturity? is this growing up?
i like but dont like
i feel better, maybe its my haircut.
i always feel cockier after a haircut :)

we're wasting away.
stressing over nothing
year 12 is over . . . reacted ?
its not THAT bad. but yeah
just in case, stress now so we dont have to later ay

im scared.
i miss you and i dont even know who you are.
people are getting on my nerves
the people i least suspected.
this is our year, lets not waste it.
goodnight

all i see is you

20/01/10

I'm spinning out and i don't know where I'll land

far out why do i have to complicate myself so much
why can't i just like someone and tell them how i feel
or why cant i choose a girl who doesn't have a bloody boyfriend
and why do i brush off the people that make the effort.
why am i so shallow
why must i always take the long way

fuck you and your games
fuck this idiot for playing them
and fuck this gutless piece of ass

stubborn ? or shy ? or gutless
or just plain stupid

and now i continue, on a different note
06/02/10
school. fucking drainer.
work. even worse.
and then i gotta go tudor this year :\

i had all this shit in my head to blog about,
but ive forgotten it now.
i think i get jealous really easily,
and protective of whats not even mine.
but theres nothing i can or want to do about it.
its just how i am.
school feels really different.

i dont know who i am anymore
and the identity and belonging shit is gunna
fuck with my head even more. i know it
and the word friend is also an over used word
bloody interenet. bloody attention seeking emo bitches
bloody "friends" but wtf do i know about being a friend
i cant stick to someone for than a couple years
i cant cheer a sad friend up
i cant offer protection or comfort
but yeah, im not gunna force myself or fake anything
ill just deal with myself thanks.

fucking hell i dunno why the fuck i got angry okay
okay i lied i do know, but its not your fault
maybe its mine, but i aint blaming myself

i feel like this is my year.
but year twelve is blocking it for me
i have high hopes for this year but little expectation.
or maybe i expect a lot but i feel theres no point getting my hopes up.

who the fuck are you to call yourself my friend
who am i to think im better than you
im PAVIS. thats who mother fucker
and yeah i need a hair cut. WHAT NUGGA.

i like you
i do no i dont yes i do no i dont wtf are you on about
wtf are you on about do you liek her i dunno yes no yes no
just because i miss you it doesnt mean i like you
just because i get jealous. it doesnt mean i like you
just because i like you, it doesnt mean i wanna talk to you everyday
just because i dont ask you out, it doesnt mean i dont like you
just because its hopeless it doesnt mean im gunna give up

its only a lost cause if youve already gave up.

i must say, competition is crazy these days
or maybe ive always been handycapped ?
but fkn girls and their shit guy lovers
dont be a dumbitch then complain about it

i hope im never over dependant on my girlfriend
i dont want to build my world around someone
kinda scary :\

that michael BOOBle song is quite good
havent met you yet or something
i cant wait to meet you.
but fuck, not like ill gather the balls to ask you out anyways
fuck this gutless lifeless selfish selfpity-ous mother freezer.
goodnight to you