you fuckers make me sick

its not that i want to hold a grudge, its just hard to forget.

my mind has been spinning the fuck out
i dont know who the fuck anyone is anymore
i dont know who i hate and shit
it feels like everyone is just . . .
fuck it

you ever look in the mirror and see nobody.

i should study for my maths test instead . . . . nah fk it
i'll ace that mother fucking piece of shit.
probably not, now that i have jinxed it.
fucking hell. my "education" is fucked up
i wouldnt even call it an education
but what do i care, its only my future.

i have a reason but if i told you, it would be an excuse.

you ever shake just at the thought of something
like, its like you just dont know what to do
or your mind is at a stand still and all you can do is sit there and stare at your hands
like driving a plane, you know what you have to do
but you dont know how the fuck to do it

we're impossible but its okay

yeah its true
everybody pisses me off
its not like i like being angry i just dont wanna make it awkward
what do you do when your best friend pisses you off
who do you turn to then ?
the next best thing ?
what do you do when everyone has their back against you
who the fuck do you go to then.

the past makes me angry,
the present makes me sick,
and the future makes me scared

oh how ive waited to feel this way for so long
i feel like ive been born again
but i must admit, i thought i was stronger than this

the problem is . . . .

i dont know if i care or not anymore
maybe im selfish, maybe im heartless
its like i dont give a shit
but its always on the back of my mind
i just dont know what to say or think anymore
but yes, i do acknowledge that its my fault
but no, i wont sit around and hate myself
yeah i made a huge fucking mistake
. . . . i dunno

yeah, as CGYD has pointed out
some of us arent feeling 100%
hmmm, i thought id have more to say about this topic but,
theres nothing i can do or say to make anything better.
i guess these stages of our lives make us or break us
OHHHH AYYYYYY
yeah i hate you :(

aha ha ha . . . . .
i know im an idiot, i know this is abad idea
but i cant help it
i dont want what you have to offer
if you know what i mean

i want to talk to you but i dont know how :S
liek wtf. WHERE MY BALLS AT?
like i know you and you know me but
we just dont talk. FUCK YOUR LIFE

i think ive reached that point in my life
like nothing matters, nothing is worth anything
although i know its not true but
its like, were all just wasting away in the end
im not happy, im not sad. im just floating in the medium of life.
theres got to be more to life then just getting wasted all the time

i cant believe i trusted you
fuck sake

im such a FUCKING dog

how could i do this to a 'friend'
how could i be so cold
so selfish.

dont worry, sooner or later it will all end
everything that you never knew
will disappear and we can all pretend to be normal again
no promises were made, no promises were broken
we can still walk away with all our limbs intact
and our hearts on our sleeves

I DONT FUCKING KNOW
where the fuck are you when i need you
who are you anyways
dont make promises you cant keep
dont get my hopes up just to get me down

i had another nightmare yesterday
you were in it
i woke myself up, but then i was in the middle of something
and i lost it
and i never knew how it ended
but i think i started another dream
it was crazy, you were . . . different

i wont know how to put this,
but i think im crazy,
or maybe its just how you make me?
no, i think im just an idiot for starting something so uncontrollable
fuck sake wtf am i doing
what the fuck mannnnnnn

breaking down wont make anything better
nor does drinking, smoking, crying, fighting, yelling or cutting yourself
your an idiot if you think it does.

feels so wrong, maybe cos i know its wrong
i really am the idiot in this story
but its only a short one anyways
im sorry but hahaha

one day, one day.

im doing this for you

i dont know what im doing,
what i want or where im going
i just know that im happy

actually i dont even know
im always bothered by thoughts
some good some bad some unsure

its so wrong yet so right
so perfect yet broken
fkn retarded

oh fuck you dont know how much i want this
i dont even know how much i want this

but . . . . . . i dunno
he said "fuck everyone else think about yourself for once"
but what if i get too selfish
or what if im thinking about myself too much
or what if im thinking about myself for the wrongest thing
but put everyone else first for the small things
I DONT FUCKING KNOW
mayeb its better off this way
not knowing

but , i DO want you to know
i dont like keeping secrets
not secrets that are mine

is it okay to sacrifice someone elses happiness for your own ?
will i dog you for my own benefit?
how cold can i be, can i really turn my back on you
are we even friends do i even treasure this "friendship"
DO YOU EVEN MATTER TO ME ?
it doesnt matter if i matter to you
i dont really care

i really really fucking need your help
but i fucking cant , i fucking cant

this is going to bother me for ages
i may be moody, you may wonder whats wrong
but in the end it wont matter
or will it

i really need to figure out what i want
i needa stop asking others to live my life for me
im such a lost kid
im sorry in advance if i choose to be selfish :\
hope im not sorry forever though
forgive me, dont judge me, stay
please
i dislike myself
goodnight