im doing this for you

i dont know what im doing,
what i want or where im going
i just know that im happy

actually i dont even know
im always bothered by thoughts
some good some bad some unsure

its so wrong yet so right
so perfect yet broken
fkn retarded

oh fuck you dont know how much i want this
i dont even know how much i want this

but . . . . . . i dunno
he said "fuck everyone else think about yourself for once"
but what if i get too selfish
or what if im thinking about myself too much
or what if im thinking about myself for the wrongest thing
but put everyone else first for the small things
I DONT FUCKING KNOW
mayeb its better off this way
not knowing

but , i DO want you to know
i dont like keeping secrets
not secrets that are mine

is it okay to sacrifice someone elses happiness for your own ?
will i dog you for my own benefit?
how cold can i be, can i really turn my back on you
are we even friends do i even treasure this "friendship"
DO YOU EVEN MATTER TO ME ?
it doesnt matter if i matter to you
i dont really care

i really really fucking need your help
but i fucking cant , i fucking cant

this is going to bother me for ages
i may be moody, you may wonder whats wrong
but in the end it wont matter
or will it

i really need to figure out what i want
i needa stop asking others to live my life for me
im such a lost kid
im sorry in advance if i choose to be selfish :\
hope im not sorry forever though
forgive me, dont judge me, stay
please
i dislike myself
goodnight