whatever makes me happy

where do i go from here
dont just tell me
take me there
anywhere but here
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
welll im over my sorry phase
sorry jackson
but thats where ill stop
and begin my walk through thsi fucked up maze
called life
barely walknig though
id say crawling maybe
but not to your knees
more like away from them
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
infatuation kills
from the very begining
but ive been reckless
left with a heavy burden and a high price to pay
weak and broke
just fucking great
oh sorry please
hold ur chin up high and keep walking
dont let me disturb you
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
a pain in the arse
a bug in my skin
a chain around my neck
but it keeps me warm
and wanted, just dont pull to hard
or ill snap , hopefully. oneday
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
dw a rage blog is coming
but for now
ill just work on it
dont wanna regret too many words now do we
but yes i am stupid
fly now crash later
but i cant say i fully stand by teh words that come out of my mouth
i mean half of it is just to make you feel better
white lies and alibis
all we need
need, need, need
wants and needs
love and lust
revenge and hate
whatever the reason , the purpose
. . . what the fuck am i on about
would it make sense if i said we'll always want abitta both? no
open up and youll leave yourself vulnerable
ANOTHER one of the
lessons ill never learn
but why would i needa open up when
i already wear my heart on my sleeve
FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD TO SEE
i cant wait til the day my heart bursts
ill scream everything ive always wanted to say
break the noses that turned away from me
bleed all the tears that never came out
and sleep until my dreams run dry
dw im not crazy
yet . until then goodnight and sorry to waste your time
and yeah im sorry i wasted mine
. . . . . .
FUCK. YOU KNOW WHAT
i fucking HATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Lets all play Pavis like a game, wanna Join ?

unresponsive

. . .

hahahah GRR ahahaGRRR sighh GRR

i dunno what to feel

what to think

how to RESPONDDDDEDEDED

yeah i am

i wont deny it

though i will work on it

feels like the only emotion i can show these days is anger

hateful i am

and i actually dont mind

but i know you do

but i wont change

not just for anyone

bipolar ??

hmmm maybe not yet

but yeha maybe

and btw victor this isnt fkn english class

so dont comment like a professor

LOL REMEMBER PROFESSOR GAY LOLOLOL

on my list : drink until i have to get my stomache pumped

but no i dont plan on doing that at jacksons

that would be selfish

. itscold boxers undies and a tee

but ill be fine

i hope

. . . fuck. hope, the one thing we can always have

soemething that can never be taken away

but sometimes i wish i didnt

then id never be disappointed or broken down

piece by piece, bit by bit

i needa post a poem

no dont expect it to be good, just expect it to be by me

- - - - - - - -

we all make mistakes

some worse than others

we forgive and forget

but we all know

forgive just means lets talk

and forget means its unmentionable

we all have secrets

some darker than others

but we all know secrets arent meant to be kept

but is all encoding and decoding anyways

secrets are chains

burdens actually

alcohol may loosen it up

but tighten in the morning

but whatever

i dont even make sense anymore

but its okay

as long as i have you here by my side

oh wait . . . .

oops

goodnight

facts, hopes and fails

"when im around you im predictable"

fuck so contagious is so good sigh sigh

just thinking of chris' new blog title and liek fuck

i hate that thought, when its over and its too late and it hits you

like a fucking stab to the noggin

the words that would save the day

and make everything okay

or maybe im thiking of something else?

yeah probably

i side track quite alot and im so fucking shit at front counter

but no i will not sidetrack

not now anyways

but yeh im slow and shit with arguements

unless i know what im talking bout and im not in CBF mode

ANYfuckingWAYS

fuck i dunno if i can take it anymore

i feel like im gunna explode

but i really just want to breakdown

but i dont i just go to sleep

4 hours later, after the thoughts have worn me out

but im scared the things i want to say might not come out as i want them too

what if i fuck up , what if bad gets to worse , what if

WHAT FUCKING IFF

there i go again

a question i dont want to know the answer to

but ill ask it anyways just to find a way to make me depressed

and draw attention to myself

but you know what

i dunno

i never did never will

if you want me to stay - neyo

yeah you leave me tongue tied and stuttering

and i can see it in your eyes

your enjoying my pain

but i enjoy making you happy

so i dont mind , no sacrifice no victory

. . noregrets.nolife.nofriends.nohope.noproblem

sif no problem you fucking dumbfuck

i got hw to do and my mum is nagging and my eyes are closing

and these thoughts that want to torture me some more

torture

torment

and scars

i wonder

sooner or later

ill see yall on satday

goodnight for now

sorry im a snob

today, tomorrow, or never

i cant wait to hate you

- the dream

my dreams

sighhhhh dighh

hopes up for friday

but doubting it

hmmmm i hope i have a good day on wednesday

=] . . . . yeahhh

a lil . . . i dunno worried

bout satday

liek :s

what could possibly go wrong ? right ? RIGHT !!

i hope i have fun

yeah thats how i think , EYE ME MYSELF

im such a snob like, fuck

you know those days when theres only one thing on your mind

and that one thought ruins your whole day

and its just a stupid thought but its an itch you cant scratch out

like FUCK . leave me alone

no wait no im sorry stay just a a lil while longer please

lets just lay down and watch as teh clouds cover teh stars

fuck. did you know.

did you fucking know. no fuck actually why the fuck am i blogging i got loads of hw yeah ill finish this one up another day bye for now

fucking IT, Mult media,eng,maths, fuck busman

dont want to wake up

well i "accidently" slept in . til 3 30 pm

first time i woke up i pressed teh snooze

second time, another snooze

third time i realised i was 5 mins late

cbf rushing

so i turned offf the alarm

and i dont regret it

i had a really good dream

i havent had one of those happy waking up dreams in a while so yeah

sighhhh

fuck that bitch

fuck this bitch

fuck em all

girls are like walking knives

they look all nice and shiny

but if you get too close they wil cut you open and spill your guts out

they were born to do it

iill stick to my butter knives thanks

yeha there i go again with my lady bitching

i shall fuck it . for now

ANYWAYS

my room is a mess

im a wreck and youre still ms ihaveeverythingiwantandneed

but yeha good on you

omgee

that pretty face

those skinny legs

that plump . . . . .

ima stop there before i jizz outta my mouth

harry potter this thurs . . . nyah kinda cbf

but the trailer looks FUCKING AWSOME

-----------

fuck i wish i was taller

GODAYUM

i needa sleep

i was kinda half cleanin today

and i found a bueno in a bag on the side of my bag i was like WOW

i forgot about you

left it on my table

and fucking my sis eats it

im like WTF THERE WAS 2 bars

shes liek yeah i gave it to my friend

FOR FUCK SAKES YOU FKN BITCH

its called fucking sharing

and she fkn leaves a mess on my hw

fuck

cbf multi media hw

holy fkn shit

i rest my head on the desk in front of me and

it felt liek my body was rocking im like

wthhh, okayy

spinnin out

confused

cold

tired

un motivated ?

short

alone

and pretty fucking annoyed

yeha ima sleep fuck it

til then bitches

EAT MAH SHIT YUO FUCKING ASSHOLE

is it raining or is it just me . again

i dont want to wake up anymore,

knowing that ill be thinking of you all day

but i have to. unless i had a toilet in my room

hmm

this was almost my title :

"for fuck sakes why cant it just go my way for once"

but then i thought no

fuk i had to dictionary wasting to check if it had an "e"

damn im fucking stupid

OH OH ohhhh shiiet

today confirmed :

and its . . . not as satisfying now that im typing it and thinking about what the FUCK I JUST REALISED

FUCKKKKKKKK

i hate my fucking slow proccessing

it always fucks me over fuck 10 hours later

fuck fuck fuckcufkczxhosdnpseuiobgv

godamnit this sucks

fuck the frgn ppl i asked for advice were all bloody wrong

and my hopes were built up to fall . AGAIN

and again and again

NOTE TO FUCKING SELF:

dont ask questions you dont want to know the answer to. ya fuckin

fuck did u know i never ever learn my lesson

i always LOVE to fuck myself over

and over and over again

i dont even know why i do it

and frgn i blog too much

i needa life

or maybe i should think positive

yeaaahh

FAT FUCKING TRUONG LE CHANCE

nah truongs alright

he doesnt even care when i bag him

i miss going to his house everyday

but yeha whatevrererereedrA

[ miserable at best ]

today i fucking played pokemon for a long ass time

and pigged out on pringles, gobstoppers,toblerone,

thins [light and tangy] and a chomp

frgn my stomache kinda hurts

but not that much so ill prob just shit it out later

ill be fine

well i was , or so i thought

gosh fucking damnit

spare me the memories

somewhere i belong

i wish i didnt care

fuck i blog too much

i needa get a life

or a gf

lol i sound lieka fucking loser lol

no not fucking lol ur a fucking mess

a wreck

a fucking what was it muck yet ?

i dunno lost duck or some shit

but yeah

ice skating :S

crew outing zzzzzz

working with kyle today was quite awsome

but yeha

OMFG every single woman has proved me wrong + kyle

fuck all i needed to hear was yeah its all in your head kid

(well nto those words but other words that would imply that to me)

but fuck now im back where i started

standing in the middle of a crossroad

alone , lost and cold

but ive learned to call this place home

i just remembered thsi saying

"home is where teh heart is"

i think ^o)

oh well

nothing matters anyways

and it hasnt for a while now

i think im getting used to this shitty ness

i havent complained for a while

maybe ive out bitched myself

goodthing though

fuck, whats pride anyways

what song was it ?

nah fuck it

not worth mentioning

not now anyways

one day when someone asks how im doing

i wanna be able to say im doing fucking good

my life has never been better

and i wake up not thinking about you

or him or them or her with him

or . . . fucking hell

my room is messy

i havent touched my homework

my bank account is drained

my bin is liek fucking bagless

my dirty clothes are everywhere

i got glasses from last week still in my room

fuck i needa get myself togetherrrrr

clean my room

shave

and

do something about all thsi shit gonig on in my head

fuck

well ima go waste time on somethnig else

thsi blogg is so wasted

running circles in my head

i have super powers . but i cant use them when im sober

mmmmmm i like that

FUCK

fuck

fuck

sssssss

im so clueless

i dunno what to do

i mean ive thought of this moment so many fucking times

over and over and fucking over again in my head

but then hey lets not get too ahead of myself

but then fuck what if im not

what if im just being stupid if i ignore this

maybe its all in my head

maybe its on your mind tooo

FUCK

this is killing me

tearing me up inside

again

okay over statement

and maybe im gonig the wrong way about this

i think the blades have turned into butterflies

fuck i miss the butterflies

fluttering around in my stomache

but fuck i dunno

am i ready to be fucked over again

who the fuck do i turn to for advice now

even if time stopped for a thousand years

i think id still be contemplating,

questioning this dilema

fuck why now

of all times

actually its pretty good timing

but i feel its too early

too late

too little too late

i dont want to be the one with the weak end of this rope

i dunno if i cant take another beating

another stab to the . . . thing

sighsighsighsighsighsigh

women, sucha a confusing and ferocious race

oh fuck im stressing i dunno what to do

im jumping out of my skin

IS IT ALL JUST IN MY HEAD

fuck what do i fucking doo

thank goodness for alcohol

i think im gunna end it with its all in my head

even though itll always be on my mind

until she gives up on me

but yeah

fuck if she gives up on me that would mean she was trying

fuck

im so fucking lost

fuck now im just blabbing

ima try sleep this off

bye

give me strength

desperation or despair

dear diary,
im feeling abit sick today and yesterday and the day before
but thats not gunna stop me
but i was thinknig
did i piss michelle off ??
hmmmmm
regret no wonder yes
lol i cant believe i said that though
and i cannot believe how no one noticed anything LOL
maybe im always like that
but whatever
this year is quite confusing for me
but mainly because of the opposite sex
alotta highs n lows
but no real satisfaction
wait i take that back
no HIGHs just mediums and lows
but yeah it doesnt bother me too much
. . . . . . . I LIED
but yeah my fault anyways
but im way past that
or so i liek to think
"So Contagious" BY Acceptance
was watching heartbreak kid
and im like shit i can so picture myself liek that in the future
but i dont want it to be liek that
ill dread my life if it is
actually i already do dread it
does that even make sense
damnit diary sometimes i feel like your teh only one that listens to me
or maybe your just the only one i tell things to ?
or maybe your thinking of someone else
bu tit doesnt matter
as long as you pretend to be here,
i can pretend your listening
one day i will have to burn you
its not coz i want to bu ti have to
goodnight and goodbye